Fat Mommy to Fit Mommy

I've been SO horrible. And now it's time to pay the price!

I forgive myself - I'm the busiest person I know - but I won't be so forgiving if I am writing this AGAIN next year.

July 1, 2007, I weighed 210 lbs - my lowest weight in 8 years. I worked HARD to get there. Really flippin' hard. AKA working out 5-6 days per week.

Well, la-di-da - here we are, much later, and 40lbs heavier. Add a third child to the mix, too. Plus my own business, and a full time job. And that's where we are now.

I have less time, less energy, and BONUS - I'm over 30, so the weight sticks to me like molasses.

Great.

HOWEVER - I have never backed away from a challenge. So, here we go again.

Next week I start Bootcamp, run by my lovely former-trainer and friend, L. I had so much success with her in the past - I'm hoping that she will be instrumental in my re-success. I know, not a word. Oh well.

So yeah. 6am-7am bootcamp 3 times per week. Yeah - early morning workouts for someone who hates mornings. BUT - my former workout time of 8pm doesn't work now either - I am absolutely DONE by that time, and have to devote those few hours before bed to the business.

Gah. I'm dreading it. I've signed up for 8 weeks total - that's 24 workouts. I'm hoping hoping hoping that only the first 2 weeks suck. I can do anything for 2 weeks.

My goal is to add one additional workout to that - be it swimming or a home workout - plus a walk with the kids.

Today I had my pre-bootcamp assessment. It sucked ass. Seriously, horribly humiliating. I'm hoping that going from fat to sorta-fit (which apparently meant nothing, cause I just got fat again... fatter, even) and BACK to fit will the last journey I have to take. I want to be able to close this damn blog down, in 1 year.
Yeah - so, the assessment... high heart-rate, 43 second plank (I used to do 3 mins), and best of all, 52% body fat. You heard me. SERIOUSLY? Fuck me.

I would love to say "it can only get better from here" but I know it's not true. My lifestyle - aka eating on the road all the time and being so freakin' busy that I can't take care of myself - could conceivably make this situation worse.

I have to change. I don't know how, but I have to.

Here's a whiny moment - I quit smoking (yay me!) and pretty much quit drinking, and now I get to quit eating. Don't even say it - I will never LOVE healthy food the way I love creamy, greasy food. So don't even go there. Anyways - I just want to have a vice, ya know? I'm always so damn GOOD. I obey the rules (well, my version of them, teehee). I do what I'm told. I provide for my family. I work as hard as I possibly can. I am kind to strangers. I try to be there for my friends an family.

So you'll forgive me if it pisses me off that I have no-where to rebel any more.

Sigh.

Ok. So I have a million reasons to DO this and only one pathetic one not to. I know. I know!

I'll try and blog about it as I can. Expect short, to-the-point posts (from me, ha).

4 more days until the first day of bootcamp. I'm dreading it.

I'm NOT dreading 3 weeks from now, when I hopefully will notice the first inkling of change...

My new mantra... nothing tastes as good as "fit" feels...