Fat Mommy to Fit Mommy

I've had enough of my own bullshit. My clothes aren't fitting, I won't leave the house without a jacket or something that hides my midsection, I feel like shit, and it sucks.

I can't go back to working out just yet (can't get in to see my family doc until December, did go see a walk-in doc (mistake), and she was less than helpful - "stop exercising"). However I VOW, SWEAR, PROMISE to get out there and swim 3x this week, plus one day of working my upper-body.

I also am BACK to eating better. At the very least, counting calories.

Here is an excerpt of the email I got from my trainer today:

"I am happy to hear you made it to the doctor. Hopefully he will be able to tell you something soon so we can get you active again. I am sure the inactivity is not helping you overall feelings. Don't get down on yourself Mary. It is devestating that things are not going the way you had hoped but one thing I love about you , that I saw in you the day I meet you, was your "don't give up attitude". I thought that if only all my clients could get a motivational speech from you they would be ready to go. Mary its a bump in your road that has been tricky to get over but you know what you are almost over it and the other side looks great!

Alright I will look forward to seeing your food intake summary soon, that way we can get you feeling great about yourself again! Mary one thing I will say is that you may feel right now that your goal is impossible but I am here to tell you it is not!!!! The reality of this, is that there does seem to be quite a few obstacles in the way that are slowing you down, but these obstacles would have come up if not now later so the great reality is that we are getting through your most challenging time right now and once we are through this you can say with confidence that it will only get better from here. Stay strong Mary!"

Gotta love her.

Time to stop sabotaging myself.

I'm the one who started this journey, I'm the ONLY one who can finish it.

Recently read a book (some forgettable fiction novel) and one line jumped out at me: "you can either choose to take control of your life, or you might as well give up".

Those who know me well, know that I am all about control. So maybe it's time to turn some of that control on myself, yeah?

Somehow I will find a way to do this despite the injury to my knee and my foot. I will.