Posts
excuses, excuses.
October 14, 2008
well, i've fallen off the proverbial bandwagon.
i'm working hard not to beat myself up for it. something had to give - it was too much pressure. i put too much pressure on myself - every day i'd wake up and think "i HAVE to work out. i HAVE to eat right". unfortunately, i'm busy to start with, and some days i wouldn't even get home until 9pm... and i just couldn't do it. i'd fall into bed, instead.
add to that a really bum knee - seriously, i'm pretty nervous about it. the last workout i did (10 days ago), well, it took me 4 days to recover and stop limping. and just when i thought it was safe to workout again, i went shopping with ian... and 20 minutes into it, i was in agony and limping again. good news is, i managed to convince the RN at my docs office to sneak my file in with luci's at her appointment next week. the bad news is, i just realized i have a clinic at the same time as the appointment. dammit!
of course, i never go halfway on anything, so instead of doing the SMART thing and going swimming, keeping up with the healthy eating... nope. i have been eating like crap (largely because i've been caught off guard several times... not realizing that i wouldn't have time between activities to go home and eat).
and so, friends, i've gained 3 pounds.
fuck.
i haven't met with my trainer in 2 weeks, due to illnesses and holidays etc. i'm meeting with her this week and i am hoping that she'll be able to re-inspire me. and hopefully my doc will have some solutions for my knee (and my foot, and my wrist... i'm terrified that he's going to tell me that the arthritis which has been largely dormant and isolated to my left foot has spread).
i just don't know where i'm supposed to find the time to work out. ian's been taking extra shifts whenever possible, and now i'm teaching here and there. i just don't know.
the thing is, the last 10 days have been terrible and great all together. terrible because of the guilt, and i hate that i've wasted 10 days (and ultimately about 2 weeks of working to lose that 3 lbs again). on the other hand, oh my GOD does it feel good to not have to worry about when i'm going to find the time to work out, etc etc.
just too much going on.
crappy thing - my swimming class starts in a few weeks. dammit! i was really hoping to be in great shape for that. well, not great, but good! maybe, once again, it'll provide some inspiration for me.
man i wish it was summer still.
well, the fun is over. time to buckle down and get back ON the proverbial bandwagon.
ps - congrats to my good friend crystal, who is down 10 lbs in 2 weeks (always round up, dahling!) keep it up... we have to do this!
m.
October 17, 2008 at 8:18 PM
Thanks for the "shout out" M. I appreciate it. It really is the hardest thing I've had to do in a while. You know what I mean. I wish my mind wasn't so obsessed with food. I feel ready this time and thank goodness for the results so far or I might have thrown in the towel.
Don't beat yourself up about being busy. I'm lucky. I've chosen the "easy" diet this time, although maybe not the cheapest. I had to opt for something that was quick, easy and took the decision making out of my hands, for now anyways.... until I regain control. I've obviously been out of control for a while.
And like you, we lead a crazy busy life. The girls are in 3 activities each and the weeknights are filled with homework, keeping the damn kitchen clean and driving here, there and everywhere. "Diets" don't fit into that lifestyle easily. Give yourself a break and a pat on the back for being a great mom, teacher and wife.
C.